I’ve come to realise that my level of socially inept is quite an honorary position and a place that most people never dream of achieving. It’s about the level where you cannot even control your own tongue in social situations, whether they be familiar and comfortable or otherwise. Words just kind of… bler.
See I’m even awkward on paper (screen?)
I just can’t seem to control it and it drives me crazy. And when I look back and think about a social situation I found myself in, it’s mostly just a black spot with shades of brightly coloured awkward. I just… argh.
I don’t know what to do about it. Even when I’m with my closest friends, I feel alien. It’s like I can’t understand social cues, body language or speech forethought. I do, when it’s not me in the situation. And small talk? I just can’t do it.
People may think that I come off as stuck up, but really I just don’t have a clue what to say.
I don’t connect with people. I don’t know how. Even with my best friends, I’m not fully open. They don’t know anything about me. Well hardly, they know I can dance and they know that I love books and dislike driving. But they don’t know ME.
Come to think of it, I don’t know them either. I don’t know how to get to know someone. How do you get someone to open up to you? How do you open up to them?
I’m chasing my tail here. This maze has no exit. It’s only result is me becoming a cat lady. Alone with 23 cats.
And do you know what the saddest part of that it? That doesn’t sound that bad to me. There are only a few people I would miss.
That’s the thing I like about writing this blog. I own it and I can control it. I can post when I want and I can write what I want. I can think before I write. I can change the words a thousand times if I like, before posting. I can try to make connections with people.
So hi, I’m Ellie and I write this blog. I’m socially inept and a little bit socially anxious.
Do you relate to anything I’ve said? What do you do to help? How do you fix it?
I really hope someone who reads this can relate and know they’re not alone.