Seriously Struggling – An Explanation

Hey guys,

So I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve been um… MIA. Let’s just say. In fact, this is only my second post this month, which is terrible even for me. So this here is a bit of an explanation as to why, in case you’re interested.

Firstly, school. Ugh, 19 days left. 19 torturous days until Summer. It will be bliss, if I can make it that far. Not only have I had a ridiculous amount of commitments, both inside and outside of school, as well as, excursions, but it is also only an eight week term. To put it mildly, it kind of sucks and I’m not coping very well. I’ve missed out on a lot of school and am expected to catch myself up on that. I also have a ridiculous amount of homework and assignments to do. It never ends.

I’m almost literally drowning.

To be honest, right now I should be studying, but I just needed a break, you know?

I know things could be way worse for me and I don’t have a lot to complain about, but I’m still not coping very well.

I’m seriously considering dropping out and becoming a stripper. I’m this close.

Also, I’m struggling a little bit emotionally. I sometimes get panic attacks and they suck. They’re really scary and make me feel out of control. I’ve been on the verge for the last couple weeks and it’s making me really stressed and anxious. It also makes it hard to concentrate, which makes everything counterproductive…

As well as that, I’m sad. I wouldn’t really call it depression, because really, I have nothing to be depressed about. My life is actually pretty good. But most of the time its really hard to see that. I just don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to get up and face the day. I wish the nights would last longer so that I could avoid my problems.

The only things getting me through this is listing to Troye Sivan, Halsey and Melanie Martinez and reading on the bus trip to and from school. Those parts of the day are my favourite other than sleeping. That is my best advice at the moment.

So yeah, just so you know. That is why I haven’t been posting.

If you have any advice. Please help me out here.

I’m sorry I haven’t been reading your posts much. Give me 19 days.

I love you all,

Keep holding on,

Ellie ❤

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